The realm of Delirium

mood: contemplative

music: S Club 7

Maybe.. there's still that struggle between making a decent living , being able to afford a livestyle and the streak to just go on doing things that are fun and exciting: like my makeup art. Helping to make the MV certainly wasn't the first time doing filming, but I could actually feel myself improving with each project; knowing when to take initiatives and when to keep out of the way. I like that progression.

I remembered when I was in pri school, I was so clear about what I want to do.. going to france to do fashion design and all that Jazz.. then the doubts came when all the adults started being wet blankets and telling me that I will never make it.. Argghh.. look at where they are now.. HDB flats and children...pot bellies and SVUs... is that some kind of achievement I want? I do want something to keep me grounded and feel safe and secure.. but not like that.. not something that's so flat (!!) and colourless..

Anyway, the banners turned out cool... not really something to shout and write a song about, but i am quite prepared to say that they are good.  It definitely seemed to be the area that I'm growing in, compared to say my interest and aptitude in Engineering. Anyhow, I'd still do my utmost for my final year in the college. There shouldn't be any looking back thinking that I haven't tried hard enough or something along that line.

Enough of that kind of regret already. So for now, I'd put all the distractions on hold; C, or any other Mr So and so that was there or may come along.. Sighh... See.. that's the dilema here; I don't really know what I want with C...I don't want whatever there was to end, yet I do not really want to continue status quo with him; I'd just become tragic again.. It's not like I want him to declare anything.. coz I myself am not about to, and I don't have any particularly strong feelings towards him, except that he is very cool to talk to and hang out with... was that a crush?? hahah.. Sighhh... All I know is that I don't want to become so jaded that I have nothing to offer when the one person that matters come along. Is that being stupid and conservative? But what is wrong with being a little old fashion.. Ahh... i'm sounding like a freaking adolescent bimbo again..